My Dentist Said I Was Stoic!

Crazy title, right?

After a lengthy dental procedure where my dentist did a root canal, then ground it down for the crown prep, plus filled the neighbor tooth, and ground it down for a crown; he patted me on the shoulder and said, “You’re stoic.” I forgot how long I was in the dental chair, but it was a while. When finished my dentist said it was hard on him and he was amazed that I didn’t move a muscle or make a sound. Perhaps I was afraid to move! Anyway, I was surprised by his comment, thinking maybe it was intended as a compliment.

I’m not sure about the stoic part but I am not much of a crier. My wife told me that if she dies first to try and squeeze out a few tears so folks will know I loved her. Yes, I love her.

Being comfortable in uncomfortable situations is something I have learned to do.

Recently, I spoke at my sister’s memorial service one day and did the graveside committal the next. I didn’t cry. Ten years ago I was honored to speak at my brother Van’s funeral, and then seven months ago, I was honored to speak at my brother Oscar’s funeral; I didn’t cry at either one. I loved them all, but I’m not a crier.

When my mother and father died, I cried a lot before the funeral, but I don’t think I cried when I preached at their funerals which was seven months apart (some twenty years ago).

I have always been able to compartmentalize my emotions. There are moments when I can be very concerned about something, lay it aside, go on to take care of something else, and then come back to it. Whether this is healthy or not, I do not know, but it seems to be the way God wired me. I am not proud of it or ashamed of it—it’s just the way it is. Sometimes, I am thankful for it, sometimes not.

I have dear friends who can cry at the drop of a hat. They look more compassionate than me, maybe they are. But I can’t drum up tears. I try to show compassion in some other way. Some folks confuse emotions with spirituality. One can be spiritual with or without being emotional. Moses brought water out of a dry rock after he hit it with a stick.

At Nadine’s graveside, I was talking with a friend of hers. I related how I had officiated the funerals of many family members in nearby graves (Nadine’s husband, our father, our mother, my brother Oscar, and now Nadine.)

As my conversation continued with the lady, I told her that a few days before, I was thinking about all these funerals as I prepared for my sister’s funeral. The thought occurred to me for the first time, that with all of them I had to set aside my own grief for a moment to honor their lives with words that God strengthen me with. I then followed it up with, “But I would not have had it any other way. God has geared me for this, and it was an honor to do the part God called me to do.”

Yes, I would not have had it any other way. Maybe I am stoic. However, I am not without emotions. My heart breaks even when my eyes don’t leak. I told my one living brother, Steve, before Nadine’s committal that funerals are like a rite of passage—from earthly life to eternal life. It’s hard to cry for someone who has passed from this mud pit to heaven.

For those of you who are still reading, I have four points I try to hit at a funeral: 1) Honor the deceased. 2) Comfort the family. 3) Give glory to God. 4) Point the way of salvation through Jesus.

In a weird way, I am not as nervous preaching a funeral as I am in a dentist chair. I know that sounds bad, but I have preached many more funerals than I have teeth. God called me to be a preacher, not a dental patient. Yes, I am known for telling something funny in a sermon and at a funeral. Oscar loved telling stories and jokes—I told his favorite joke at his funeral; he would have loved it!

When I die, they better tell some funny stuff at my funeral! If they are not laughing at my funeral, then my family got the wrong preacher to bid me farewell!

Yours on the Journey,

Harry L. Whitt

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, / who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NKJV